Growing Your Hair Out: The Awkward Stage
Growing It Out: How to Get Through the Awkward Stage
In our decades of experience, we’ve seen that most men who try to grow their hair out never actually get there. They get four or five months in, hit the most awkward point where it sits over the ears and won't take structure, give up and book a cut.
In this, what we’ve seen is that it isn’t a patience problem, it’s a styling and maintenance issue, and we have the answers for both. Hair at an awkward length still has a shape, it just isn't the shape it had when it was short, and it isn't the shape it'll have when it's long. Treat it as its own thing for a few months, and you'll come out the other side.
Why the awkward stage happens
Short hair holds a shape because it's been cut into one. Long hair holds a shape because there's enough weight to pull hair down in conjunction with your hair’s natural flow. In the awkward middle stage you've got neither, too much length for the cut to control it, not enough weight to make it sit.
It’s important to note that hair doesn't grow evenly either. The top and crown push on, the sides go outwards before they go downwards, and the back reaches your collar long before your fringe reaches your eyebrows. This is why the classic awkward-stage silhouette is a triangle, flat on top, wide at the sides, straggly at the neck.
Whilst that is a challenge, it’s not insurmountable, and we’ve got decades of knowledge on how to get around it.
How long does it actually take?
Yes, everyone’s hair grows at different rates; however, this isn’t as spread as some make it sound, and we’d expect to see about 1.5cm - 3cm of growth every 28 days. Naturally, the other big factor is how long your hair is when starting; for ease, we’ll benchmark from a shorter hair starting point.
In practice, that works out at:
- A grown-out crop or a proper fringe takes two to five months from a short hair starting point.
- Mid-length hair you can push back off your face takes roughly six to twelve months (what you need for natural mid-length flow styles).
- Anything past the collar should take roughly thirteen months and up.
Nearly all the pain of the awkward phase sits between months two and six. This is always good to keep front of mind, to mentally prepare for your hair not being at its peak and resist the panic skin-fade halfway through.
The Stages, and what to do in each
Months One to Three
This is unsurprisingly one of the easiest stages. Your hair will naturally still resemble the shape and cut you started with; it’ll just be heavier and softer on top.
There’s only one thing to make sure you get right here, and it’s the most common mistake, having the sides cut short for maintenance. If you keep going back every three to four weeks to have the back and sides tightened up, you’re resetting to zero each time, and you’ll never clear the first hurdle. A tidy around the neckline and around the ears, that’s all you need for maintenance.
Your styling routine also doesn’t need to change; you might just need a bit more product to control hair as it grows.
Months three to six
This is the true awkward stage. The sides will start flicking outwards and over your ears, the top will go flat from the length but is typically not long enough to style in a natural way, and the back will sit awkwardly on your collar.
The key to minimising the pain at this stage is with products and technique. You can still achieve a natural look, but you need to make sure that your finishing product has proper performance. This is above all because too much product into longer hair can very quickly look greasy or over-saturated, so you need a product that’s going to perform even in small doses. This being said, it doesn’t get much better or versatile than the Dapper Dan Matt Paste. If you really want to go light on hold for a very soft and natural flow, the Dapper Dan Sea Salt Spray is also a good consideration. By giving a smaller amount of grip and hold, you’ll maintain the softer look whilst providing some much-needed volume to make sure your hair doesn’t immediately fall flat.
It's also the stage to accept a compromise cut. A grown-out crop or a longer textured fringe is a real style rather than a holding pattern, and it buys you two months of looking deliberate without undoing all your work.
Months Six to Nine.
This is the point with most hair growth journeys that we see hair starting to feel as you want. There’s enough weight for the sides to fall naturally rather than flick out, and enough length on top to push back or part properly.
At this stage, you should need to style slightly less, and your product should lighten up too. Too much product, especially if using something strong, will overpower your hair. From this point on, you’re looking for your product to bring structure, rather than hold your hair in place.
This is also the first stage where you have a few different options about how you want to wear your style. A side parting is a classic, but so is a loose push-back, or alternatively, if you’ve got quite wavy hair, at this length you can let it do its own thing.
Months Nine and Beyond.
This is the final lap, and from here it will feel like your final look rather than an in-between stage. You shouldn’t be as concerned about protecting your length when you're at the barbers, and this is where a good consultation with your barber can allow them to cut your hair to the exact shape you want. We also recommend that at this stage, you can visit your barber every 8 weeks, rather than the usual 4-5 weeks.
What to ask your barber for.
Speaking to your barber about your plans for your hair is just as important as telling them what you want off there and then, and being specific goes a long way to making sure there’s no confusion, especially as if done poorly, half an hour in the chair and set you back months of progress.
Some of the most useful instructions you can give are:
- “I’m growing it out, so nothing off the sides. Just tidy up the neckline and around the ears”. This is really the bread and butter to allow your barber to keep your hair as tidy as possible without undoing your work.
- “Can you take some weight out rather than any length?” This is what you’ll want to be asking in particular for months three to six. The thinning will help keep everything in check without stunting progress.
- “Let’s book again for eight weeks’ time”. When you don’t have a skinfade, there’s no need to pop in every 3 weeks, and eight-week gaps will allow you to make progress whilst maintaining some semblance of style.
Avoid asking your barber to just “give you a trim”; this isn’t specific enough, and if you’re not on the same page with your barber, you'll never get your style right.
How to style your hair as it grows.
The styling throughout a growing stage is the best way to ensure you’re not compromising on your style. Whilst everyone’s styling will be slightly different, the below are our most universal tips for you to keep in mind, especially during the growing process.
- Use a pre-styler, and use it correctly. Spray your Sea Salt Spray into your hair when damp from about 30cm away, then work through and blow dry into the shape you want. It’s important here that you don’t drown your hair in product, as this won’t give you the effortless styling you want, whilst skipping this stage makes creating long-lasting structure that much harder for your finishing product.
- Dry with direction. You don’t want to dry your hair as quickly as possible, and in whatever direction your hairdryer is pointing at you, the blow drying step is key to structuring your locks.
- Finish with the right product. The wrong product can easily ruin your hair in one of two ways, either by being too overpowering, leaving your hair with a rigid and awkward feel, or too soft and failing to tame the mane. This is where quality products really make a difference. For the classic natural look, the Dapper Dan Matt Paste is going to offer the barbershop quality you need, whilst on the other hand, if you want a bit more of a wet and refined look, the Dapper Dan Deluxe Pomade will give the right level of hold and finish.
An additional element to always keep in mind is how much product you use, and particularly when going from short to mid-length hair, use less product than you think. Overdoing it with product shows us a lot more in mid-length hair, and as you’re not looking to manipulate hair in the same stiff way as with short hair, less really is more.
What to avoid
- Cutting the sides a few times in the growth phase. Every time you do this, you’re only setting yourself back four to six weeks.
- Styling hair once dry. You gain the ability to structure when hair is damp, so waiting for hair to dry naturally before styling is going to make it hard to keep a natural flow without a lot of product.
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Comparing the growth week to week. Hair just doesn’t grow fast enough to notice real growth week to week. If you’re going to take progress pictures (which we recommend), make sure you’re leaving at least a month in between.
What if my hair grows outwards rather than down?
If this is how your hair naturally grows, then you’ll need the weight to be taken out earlier and more often; you’ll also rely more on the styling and blowdrying to give structure to your hair. Curly and thick wavy hair tends to go through a wider awkward stage than straight hair, but comes out of it better, being that there’s some natural shape waiting on the other side.
Should I wash it less often?
The answer is not really. Continue washing as often as suits you, but as hair being damp is a more important part of styling with longer hair, this is something you should plan around.
The short version.
Stop cutting the sides, ask for weight out instead of length off, and style it damp rather than dry. Do those three things and the awkward stage becomes a couple of months you barely notice.
Browse the full Dapper Dan styling range and pick up what you need to get through the middle of it!